{"id":9,"date":"1983-11-29T18:07:49","date_gmt":"1983-11-30T01:07:49","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/gashler.com\/nlc\/?p=9"},"modified":"2017-11-30T13:27:25","modified_gmt":"2017-11-30T20:27:25","slug":"baldncss-the-bare-facts","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/gashler.com\/nlc\/?p=9","title":{"rendered":"Baldness: the bare facts"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Click<\/a>It’s been awhile since the Bald-Headed Men of America held their annual meeting in Morehead City, N.C. – but the bare facts published at the time still leave me with a certain fascination.<\/p>\n

Being a kindred spirit, I can still visualize all those shiny domes, and the very idea of the convention calls up good-natured humor about baldness – philosophical sayings, witticisms and just plain corny jokes. Some examples:<\/p>\n

There are three basic ways for a man to comb his hair – parted, unparted, and departed.<\/p>\n

This quip is attributed to Utah Republican Sen. Jake Garn, himself a baldpate: The Lord had time to make only a certain number of perfect heads, so he put hair on the rest of them.<\/p>\n

Another: If you’re bald up front, you’re a great thinker; if the baldness is at the back, you’re a great lover. And If you’re bald in both places, you just think you’re a great lover.<\/p>\n

Thinking of the male cranial foliage was a preoccupation back in William Shakespeare’s day. The Bard had some consoling things to say about baldness in his “Comedy in Errors,” including: “What he (‘Time’) hath scanted men in hair, he hath given them in wit.”<\/p>\n

A baldish young colleague at mine says that in the optimistic years after college days you see your thinning to-mop as a “receding hairline.” But your friends are more objective – they recognize the condition as “full retreat.”<\/p>\n

The trend continues for many, and by the time your 30th anniversary class reunion rolls around, \u00a0you and your buddies are talking about the “age of the five B’s” – baldness, bifocals, bridgework, bulges, and bunions.
\nFrom that point on, anything goes. Such as: “One thing about a bald head, it’s neat.” “I’ve simply outlived my hair.” “It’s getting so that I have to wear my sunglasses in the brightness of your bald head.”<\/p>\n

Barber shops are a good setting for mirthful quips. When the barber asks how he wants his hair cut, my blondish and baldish friend LeRoy J. Olsen invariably answers: “Black and curly!”<\/span>
\nPaul Strong, the barber who scrapes up my vanishing hair and tries to make it look like something, has some good answers for baldish customers who kid him about getting a trim at cut rate.
\n“Look,” he says, ”It’s worth full pay just to find your hair!” Or: “I should charge you double. l had good eyes until I was blinded by the glare from your head.”<\/p>\n

Let’s conclude with a tale, claimed to be true, about a certain clergyman whose pride would not allow his being caught without his toupee in place. Only a few friends knew for sure that his hairdo was synthetic.<\/span><\/p>\n

While the clergyman was fishing late on a Saturday afternoon, his hairpiece somehow became entangled, flipped off, and landed irretrievably in the river. His frustration was exceeded only by the surprise of his congregation then next morning!<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s been awhile since the Bald-Headed Men of America held their annual meeting in Morehead City, N.C. – but the bare facts published at the time still leave me with a certain fascination. Being a kindred spirit, I can still visualize all those shiny domes, and the very idea of the convention calls up good-natured… Continue reading Baldness: the bare facts<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[6,49],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/gashler.com\/nlc\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/gashler.com\/nlc\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/gashler.com\/nlc\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gashler.com\/nlc\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gashler.com\/nlc\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=9"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/gashler.com\/nlc\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2132,"href":"https:\/\/gashler.com\/nlc\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9\/revisions\/2132"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/gashler.com\/nlc\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=9"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gashler.com\/nlc\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=9"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gashler.com\/nlc\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=9"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}